The idea of talking to oneself is often played for laughs. For example, you might see a coffee mug, t-shirt, or poster featuring the words, “Of course I talk myself. Sometimes I need expert advice!”
It’s a funny line, but it does not really capture the way most people talk to themselves. We are not necessarily referring to speaking aloud when you are the only person around. Instead, we are thinking about the internal monologue most of us have going on most of the time. That voice—which is just you talking to yourself—tends, on the whole, to be quite unkind.
That voice might be in the habit of reminding you of mistakes—both recent and from your past. It might tell you that you are not good enough to reach your goals. That internal voice might try to convince you that no one likes or respects you.
This kind of talking to yourself is, of course, terrible for your mental health. We have some ideas about how to learn to talk to yourself more kindly.
Related to our self-talk is the issue of how you talk about others—especially when they are not around. Gossiping—in addition to being unkind—is not great for your mental health. We have a few notes to share about that, too.
Let’s take a look at these two types of talk.
Turning the Inner Critic into a Cheerleader
It might feel as though you do not really have any control over your inner voice—the one that is quick to criticize you and slow to show you any grace. That feeling can arise because it sometimes seems like the inner voice is a separate person who is passing judgment from a position of knowledge and authority.
But, of course, the inner voice is not a separate person. It is—put simply—you being mean to yourself.
One way to start to change the way you talk to yourself is to get into the habit of intentionally repeating some affirmations. Simple statements that affirm your self-worth can be a powerful antidote to negative self-talk.
We acknowledge that getting started with affirmations can feel awkward or hokey at first. But if you stick with it, you will find that affirmations can become a regular part of how you think about yourself—and that can be good for your mental health.
Ready to get started? We wrote about affirmations in more detail here.
Taking Care When Talking About Others
Sometimes, it seems like gossip is the driving force in popular culture. Which young stars are dating? Which musicians are in the midst of a feud? Who is cheating on their partner…and with whom? Which famous actor is impossible to work with? Which performer is secretly battling illness? People are curious about all of these things and happy to speculate at length.
That can also be true when the subjects of the gossip are closer to home—people we actually know. This more personal gossip can upend friendships, break up couples, and cause embarrassment that might otherwise be avoided.
Given these negative outcomes, it is fair to wonder why we gossip in the first place. A case could be made that gossiping is a way to shift our judgment from ourselves to other people. That can feel good for a while, but the consequences can be serious—and the sense of shame you might feel from talking unkindly about others is likely to overwhelm any temporary positive feeling.
Our advice here is similar to our advice about self-talk: Get in the habit of saying good things about the people in your life—when they are present and when they are not. As with affirmations, it might seem unnatural at first, especially if gossip has been a prominent part of your relationships with others. But over time, you can shift your way of talking about others—using your words to build others up, which in turn can support your mental well-being.
We’re Talking About Providing the Help You Need
At Peak View Behavioral Health—located in Colorado Springs, Colorado—we help individuals who are struggling with mental health disorders like any of the various kinds of depression, anxiety, or panic disorders, and issues grounded in traumatic experiences.
All too often, people try to ignore mental health difficulties for one reason or another. They might be ashamed or convinced that they can (or at least should be able to) overcome the challenge on their own. They might be convinced that they are just going through a bad patch and things are bound to look up eventually. Whatever the reason for avoiding mental health care, the results of doing so can lead to increasingly serious problems that can upend your relationships, your ability to work, and much more.
When you seek out help at Peak View, you will receive personalized treatment that is grounded in evidence-based practices and supported by our high levels of expertise, years of experience, and commitment to empathy. We will help you renew a sense of balance in your life so that you can embrace a spirit of hope moving forward.
