While in the grips of a substance use disorder, a person is quite likely to do and say things that hurt those close to them. They might damage their relationship with their spouse, their parents, or their children. They may have pushed their friends away and let down their coworkers.
It is possible that someone with a substance use disorder may not even realize how much they are hurting others. If they do realize it, they may not care. After all, an addiction can be all-consuming and doesn’t leave much space for self-reflection or consideration of other people.
But all of that changes once a person enters rehab and begins their recovery journey. All of a sudden, they may be all too aware of past mistakes or of the unkind things they may have said or done. As a result, many individuals in recovery struggle with overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame. Worse, these difficult emotions can actually push a person toward a relapse—which can reinforce a terrible cycle of substance use followed by guilt and shame followed by relapse.
Breaking Out of the Guilt Cycle
Feelings of guilt and shame can undermine a person’s recovery in a variety of ways. Guilt leads to depression and anxiety, issues that often contribute to substance use disorders and relapse. A person suffering from guilt may return to substance use to make those terrible emotions go away—even though they know substance use caused the guilt in the first place. And for some people, shame can lead to relapse by convincing them they aren’t worthy of living a healthier and happier life.
How can you overcome these feelings that plague you? If your feelings of guilt have led to depression and anxiety, address these issues right away with a doctor or therapist. While you are in residential treatment, your care team will work to address co-occurring disorders of this kind, and you should follow their recommendations once rehab ends. You can also fight depression in a number of other ways, including getting more exercise (especially in a natural setting), eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, practicing mindfulness, and more.
If feelings of guilt won’t subside, it may be useful to find positive ways to contribute to your community. A spirit of service—whether that takes the form of volunteering, making donations, spending time with a lonely person, or helping someone rake leaves or shovel snow—can go a long way toward improving your state of mind. It isn’t necessary to keep score or to think one good act makes up for one negative act. Instead, just shift your mindset toward serving others in consistent and meaningful ways.
If you are dealing with feelings of unworthiness, you might find a 12-Step program or other recovery-centered program offers some perspective and relief. You might also find encouragement and inspiration in the many books, podcasts, and documentaries that share people’s recovery stories. These stories can help us feel less alone and can also remind us that we are capable of amazing things. When we can remember that, we can remember that no one is unworthy of health and happiness.
The Power of Making Amends
Perhaps the most powerful thing you can do to put feelings of guilt and shame behind you is to make amends to the people you have hurt. When you’re ready, you may find that offering a sincere apology to each person who was negatively affected by your behavior or words makes a world of difference.
In the best of cases, you may be able to fully repair a broken relationship. A friend or family member who understands the power of addiction may be willing and able to forgive you and move forward. In fact, these loved ones may become your staunchest supporters as you work to maintain your sobriety. Finding the courage to apologize can lessen your feelings of guilt and shame while simultaneously building up your support system. Both of these results are positive developments in your quest for long-term sobriety.
Sometimes, however, a person may find themselves unable to forgive you. That can be hard to deal with, but even so, an effort to make amends can free you from some of the guilt. You are not responsible for how a person responds to your apology; you are only responsible for the apology itself. Do what you can to repair the damage your behavior caused (whether it’s financial reimbursement or the commitment of your time), but if your efforts are not well received, try to let go of your feelings of guilt and shame. Focus on trust. Trust that your own journey and the other person’s journey will take you both where you need to be.
You Should Never Feel Guilt or Shame About Seeking Help
If you or a loved one is battling a substance use disorder, don’t feel ashamed to reach out for help. In fact, getting help for yourself is a great first step toward restoring broken relationships. At Peak View, we are not here to judge you; we’re here to help. With expertise and compassion, we can help you come to terms with the difficult emotions that often accompany recovery.
