Do you see your friends regularly? If you don’t, you aren’t alone. Okay, so maybe that is a confusing way to put it. What we mean is that an awfully lot of people find it hard to find the time and energy to hang out with their friends. You might be among those folks.
After all, we are all mighty busy and the pace never seems to slow down. We have work responsibilities, family responsibilities, and more. And sometimes the idea of trying to get together with friends—even good friends who you love to spend time with—can feel exhausting. In fact, you might find yourself canceling plans you were actually looking forward to.
But here’s the thing: Building strong friendships is good for you and your mental health. So don’t cancel those plans.
In the article linked above, the staff of the Mayo Clinic identifies a number of benefits related to having good friends. They write:
Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and support you during bad times. Friends help keep you from feeling alone. Friends also can:
- Raise your sense of connection, belonging, and purpose.
- Boost your happiness and lower your stress.
- Improve your self-confidence and feelings of self-worth.
- Help you cope through hard times, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one.
- Urge you to change or avoid habits that aren’t healthy. These might include drinking too much or not exercising.
Friends also play a big role in your overall health. Adults with strong social connections have a lower risk of many health problems. That includes depression, high blood pressure, and an unhealthy weight. In fact, studies have found that older adults who have close friends and healthy social supports are likely to live longer than do their peers who have fewer friends.
Given those health benefits—both physical and mental—it is a good idea to prioritize time with friends. But how are you going to do that? We have some ideas.
A Regular Conversation Over Coffee Can Be Great
Here is a place to start: Pick a friend and suggest setting up a regular time to get coffee every week or two. Don’t be vague about it. None of this, “You know, we really ought to get coffee sometime.”
Suggest a time, a place, and a frequency. Something like, “Hey, would you be available to grab coffee on Tuesday mornings at 7 a.m.? Maybe we could meet up every other week?”
What we like about this approach is that it leads you to do something important. You will find yourself putting these meetings into your calendar. You know the one. The one that tells you what important thing you have to do next each day. Make spending time with a friend something you schedule so that you remember how important it is.
The Value of a Short Phone Call
Not long ago, The New York Times ran a piece in their wellness section called “The Secret Power of the 8-Minute Phone Call.” In that piece, writer Jancee Dunn makes a case for scheduling short but impactful calls with friends.
Here’s how she describes her experience trying the practice out:
In short order, we talked about our mothers’ health, made birthday plans, gossiped about a friend who abruptly quit his job and moved to a tiny Mexican town, traded book recommendations, and explored the possibility of an afterlife (verdict: we’re not sure). Intently focused, we knocked out subject after subject, before Tina announced that our eight minutes were up — and besides, she had arrived at the dry cleaner’s.
The experience was apparently unequivocally positive:
I hung up, smiling and humming a little tune. I had missed her, and didn’t realize it until I heard her voice. I was also surprised by how much ground we covered without the call feeling rushed. Our connection was brief, but it was real.
Like a regular meetup for coffee, these quick phone calls can be scheduled—and that makes them more likely to happen.
Work on Your Friendship Skills
It is wonderful to have great friends. It is also wonderful to be a great friend. Part of being a great friend is demonstrating in small but consistent ways that the person is important to you. Ideas include:
- Writing a handwritten letter you actually send through the mail
- Giving a small gift—or picking up the tab for lunch or coffee
- Stepping up to help whenever and however you can
Making sure you give as much to the relationship as you get from it is the key to being a true friend.
Friend, We Can Help You Improve Your Mental Health
At Peak View Behavioral Health—located in Colorado Springs, Colorado—we help people improve their mental health and maintain those improvements over time. Because each individual has unique needs, we are dedicated to listening and creating personalized treatment plans that take into account your specific situation. Whether you are struggling with depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, or another condition, we are here to help.
